Friday, May 28, 2004

Sex on Credit

Everybody pays for sex one way or another. Whether its dinner and a movie. I night at the bar. A trip to Barbados or a nice planter for the front portch. Getting someone into bed especially on a regular basis requires one thing. Cash.

What we need is Sex on Credit. This would be where you could doink someone on credit. So instead of dinner and a movie tonight before the sex how about dinner and 2 movies next week. The interest would continue to accrue compounding monthly. Now this may not seem like such a great deal when we are talking about dinner and a movie. But the trip to Barbados could increase in value quite rapidly.

We have everything else on Credit why not sex. After all it is just sex. It is just like getting a sofa from the Furniture King Warehouse down the street anyway. Right!

I think I will start a club card where my company will come over and do your dishes and clean your bathrooms to give your wife a break and make you look like a hero. This would end up in you getting great hot sex from the mate and we can just charge your Visa. This sounds a little simpler. We could even snuggle with her after the deed for a small fee.

Ok Ha Ha

The truth is that whenever you do something nice for your mate whether it is out of pure love or not. You are racking up "I want to fuck you points." (Also known as sex credits.) When you are an ass to your mate your sex credits start drying up along with her pussy. It kind of sucks that this is how it works. It may just be the greatest cosmic joke of all time but it's all worth it when you have a warm body laying next you and know that they feel the same way you do physically and emotionally.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Been a While

I am still getting into the swing of things here in the bloggerland. I wish I had something witty to say or even something remotely interesting. I am drawing a blank. But hey 24 season finale tonight. I love this show. First of all Keifer Sutherland is one of my favorite actors (even if he is the son of Donald we won't hold that against him). Ever since Young Guns and Flatliners I can't get enough of him.

So I bought a house about four years ago. I dutifully put in a lawn and some nice curbing around the house. But did I put any plants or shrubs or flowers in. No I did not. I did however pull the weeds about once a year. So here I am with a really nice lawn accentuated by a beautiful array of weeds. Anyway I finally pulled the weeds for the last time and put down some bark. Hallelujah now I am only like the 9th biggest loser in my neighborhood. So the greatest part about this that when I open my front door in the morning the bark makes it smell like a forest. MMM. MMM.

so more about my yard. Never buy a house on a corner across from a field. I tell you why. Because if the utility companies make it I have it my yard. Here is the list

Stop Sign (please stop)
Street Sign. (so you know where you are)
Fire Hydrant (so small four legged creatures have a place to piss)
Big huge city lighpost. (so I can't sleep at night with the light)
Phone box (I don't even have a land line for gods sake)
A ginormous Electric box (Ok I do have electricity)
And lets not forget the cable box either. (Nope satellite)

And if that is not enough my homeowner "ass" requires me to have a smaller light post next to my driveway. So you can imagine mowing is a total pain in the "ass" not to mention the edging. I have more concrete edges than I care to talk about.

BTW if it is a pain in the "ass" you are probably doing it wrong.

Enough Drivel

Friday, May 14, 2004

Lyrics and Stuff

Lyrics to a song a love.

Never I ask of you
But never I gave
But you gave me your emptiness
I now take to my grave
Never I ask of you
But never I gave
But you gave me your emptiness
I now take to my grave
So let this heart be still


If you can guess what song I will give you a prize. However since I don't have any readers or visitors to my site I doubt I'll have to pay up.

Today is Friday and I might just go golfing later this afternoon. I love golfing. It is a test of myself over myself and it's a different test every time. Calm, Cool, Concentration.

Oh who am I kidding I just like it because I get to hold my shaft tightly and put my balls in a small hole.

So I am working. Sometimes my job gets a bit monotonous. Backups, Restores, Passwords that don't work because somebody forgot what a caps lock key does. I have some of the best coffee holder computer stories in the world. Most from my Mom who uses a computer, well kind of uses a computer. Anyway you should all check out 3 Dead Trolls in a Baggie. They are a Canadian Comedy group who used to post all there stuff and MP3.com but now there sight is gone. So where can I go for a good taste of free amateur music and comedy.

I will try and find a link or maybe I could post it is an audio clip if I can find it again. They do this bit called Internet Help Desk that will have you die laughing. I will definitely find it and post it so you can have mirth today as well.

Later


Thursday, May 13, 2004

Do you ever get that feeling

Sometimes I get this sixth sense of a feeling. Something like a cross between being really hungry and mildly scared at the same time. It only happens about every 2 months or so. Sometimes it lasts for Days and sometimes is last for a couple of hours and it is something I can't usually shake off. It is not at all uncomfortable or strange but I have been able to identify this feeling and when it goes away. Usually it is a signal to me that something is wrong. When I find out what is wrong or what happened then the feeling immediately goes away. I first noticed this when my sons Uncle Rob died from asphyxiation after passing out from an overdose of some drug or other. For a few days I had this nawing feeling like things weren't right with the world. I couldn't figure it out or shake the feeling. Then I got a call from his Mom saying her brother had died and the feeling was instantly gone. So since then whenever I get it I know to start looking and keep my eyes open for something. I never know what but over the years this has become a very consistent part of my life. Another time interestingly enough was September 11th. For a couple of days before that everything was not right. When I got up that morning and say the smoke on the TV the sensation was gone.

So maybe I'm psychic or maybe I schizzo but to everyone out there I would say "pay attention to your sixth sense, it means something for you and possible others".

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Living with American Beauty

So I rewatched American Beauty the movie. Every time I see it I get the most clear cut picture of life and how we live it. We worry about about our jobs and our kids and our wives and pretty much anything that can get worried about gets worried about. This movie brings to mind the saying of

"Get busy living or Get busy dying". This is why it is such a great movie because finally after however many years this guy starts getting busy living only to end up to actually dying which really sucks becuase I love Kevin Spacey. I am a firm believer in living life for life not for somebody or something else but for yourself or better yet for the ones you love. The deepest most content feeling for me is when my passion, want and/or need is genuinely centered around other people and how I can interact with them to make everyone's life more livable.

Too many people take life so seriously and just cant relax, take a step back, survey the land and take the next step toward living. (However try to avoid getting shot by a loved one it kind of hurts. ask Kevin)

Monday, May 10, 2004

It feels like the first time

Actually it is the first time. I have now officially started a new part of my life. This will be an extension of myself and hopefully the road to sorting out all my thoughts that will one day be known as a great literary work passed down for help or hurt to any who seek it.

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