Who would you rather have running your country?

Seriously which one would you choose.

I know I would take Bush.

I will take all kinds of Bush.

Bush is good. (But shaved is better)

Oh yeah and

Fuck off

So I got some sun

We went to the water park on Saturday and it was much better than the first foray we took a couple of weeks ago. The twins finally got used to the idea of floating around the lazy river and actually getting water on their heads. It was fun. Eventually we will get them going down the freefall. I think the wife and I will go jus the two of us this week though.

I golfed well over the weekend. My driver still can't remember why it is in my bag much less why I pull it out. Speaking of pulling out that is not a very manly thing to do. Look what happened in Vietnam we pulled out and well you know what happened we kind of took it in the ass. No, You can't pull out. I say you have a stay in there and keep and fucking. Fuck em till their dead.

Oops back to golf. Played 9 holes at the Old Course. Not St. Andrews. (I Wish). I hit two double bogeys 4 pars and a couple of bogeys. All in all I was hitting the iron well and putting fiendishly. But my driver keeps swearing at me whenever I force it to beat a ball into the bushes on the left side of the fairway. I must have mistreated it in a past life or something.

Wife and I went a great party at 2.5 million dollar house over the weekend. Drank just about the right amount but did not get home until 4:30 in the morning. I have never seen so many sets of fake breasts in my life. Wow!!! It is weird how we try to live like we are 18 and have all the energy and time in the world. Only two be brought crashing down the next morning with weight of the world a hangover you would only wish on hitler or your mother-in-law depending on which one you hate worse.

Anyway it was fun. The company that was here for the wedding is almost ready to leave and our trip to Maine is exactly one month away. I can't wait to go. My brother Denton is coming to town with his family this weekend. So you know what that means. Yup, Strippers and Oil wrestling at the local pub as well as a lot of golf. J/K, wait, no I'm not.

Hopefully the wife will go with us. In case your reading this before I get home I fixed your laptop. So you are no longer computerless.

Another day has passed and another night now comes.
The open range calls under the fading sun.
And when the winds whispers and drops a sweet breath.
A bird will land softly home in its nest.

I don't have any idea where that came from but there it was so here it is.

And oh yea before I forget

Fuck Off

I am me and you are you

Sometimes I am driving in my car and I get this overawed feeling that I am me and I am here and I am doing what I am doing. I know it sounds corny but the weird part about it is that you are all you at the same time. Everybody else is who they are too. We are all the same yet so different. We all experience life the same way in a general manner. Love, Hate, Work, Recreation etc.

This trips me out because I am not a religious person I am convinced that god is a figment of our human emotion and need to not be alone in the universe and have the security of thinking and or knowing that if we screw it up our parents will show up and make it all better. I don't beleive this to be true. Because I beleive this way I sometimes wonder where the world is going and how it is going to get there. There are billions of people in the world but at the end of the day we all worry about the same basic needs. I often wonder why is the guy next to me driving north right now. What motivates him to get up in the morning and take a shower and get in his car.

Sometimes I wonder what motivates me too.

Interestingly we are all alone in our own bodies and minds. We are also all externally connected and dependant on each other for survival.

I wish we had an option to not be human and have to deal with all the bullshit. But we don't.

I guess we just accept what is and enjoy the ride.

I lost of muse for today

Fuck off

Another day another post

I think I need to change my template this one is getting kind of boring.

Sorry this one is kind of bitchy! I'm just venting.

So I used to have these garage shelves that the previous owner put in. Well I would not really call them shelves it was more like a jigsaw puzzle of wood put up by the winner of the Bob Vila Special Olympics building contest. I finally tore them down and put in some nice gorilla racks and some metal rolling racks around all the edges. So for the first time my garage is organized and you can fit two cars in it.

My Wife's Mom and Sister came into town for a wedding this week so that was my motivation for cleaning the garage. We also had alot of cleaning to do around the house because honestly i can't afford a cleaning service to stay on top of it. So I ended up cleaning the playroom which was a total sty, the boys room which was not so bad. Then I vacuumed the entire house and swept and mopped. Of course I finally fixed the clogged toilet downstairs. I also cleaned my car because that was the vehicle we had to take to pick up the in-laws in.

So all in all I spent like 10 hours of the last two days working my ass off around the house in addition to going to work and installing an additional Netapp Filer shelf for a side job and passing an IBM Enterprise storage Exam. All this so that her family would have a semi-clean environment for the 1.5 days they will be spending at my house.

When I was growing up my Mom had boxes of stuff you would not beleive stored in the garage (Never once did we actually park in there. God forbid we actually used it for its intended purpose) All of them just sitting in the garage. None of them serving any purpose. We're talking boxes of newspapers left over from the late 60's. But that is not the half of it. She likes to think of herself as a food storage person. She always has shelves of bottled fruits and vegetables. One time we were helping her move and we noticed that the dates on some bottles of carrots. (Who bottles carrots. Seriously) These bottles were dates well before I was born. They were dated 6/72 or 12/68. She also has about 30 5 gallon drums of wheat from the late 70's as well.

Now this is all very interesting and stuff but the coolest thing of all is that I have never eaten bottled carrots or ground wheat into flour in my entire life. Neither I nor any of my 5 brothers can remember her actually preparing or eating any of the "food supplies" either.

Of course her stance on the issue is that when Jesus comes back a bushel of wheat will be worth a bushel of gold. Ok Mom, Whatever.

I have a strict policy. If I come across something that I have not used for 6-12 months it's gone. I would urge you all to do the same.

And as always

Fuck off.

Keep your mouth shut

Seriously, Why do people talk about stuff they should not. Is it a flaw in our DNA? I am not saying I am not guilty of spilling the beans when I should have known better. What I am saying is if your going to spill the "proverbial" beans at least be accurate about it. I know everybody has their own view of the world through whatever shade of glasses that works for them. But when you start making up stories and spinning the truth to make your self look better it really just makes you look like a total ass and more importantly decreases your positive Karma.

Let talk about Dan Hicks and Johnny Miller. If you don't know who they are then you did not watch last weekends 104th U.S. Open at Shinnecock Hills. I enjoy watching golf and the tournament was exciting. The course was in really tough shape over the weekend and there were some stellar save shots for par. But what really pissed me off is that they had two monkeys commentating. It was not that these guys were boring, they were just total and complete imbeciles. They would contradict themselves all the time and make stupid comments about whether it was a good lie or not. Sometimes they would totally misinform the viewer about one thing or another and then not correct it or actually correct with wrong information. Seriously these guys should be fired. Where is Feherty and Kostis. Oh yea over at the network that actually knows how to broadcast golf. And another thing NBC had Bob Costas MCing Saturday and Sunday. Now don't get me wrong Bob is the man when it comes to sports broadcasting and commenting especially for Basketball, and Baseball. He's even great with football on HBO's Inside the NFL. But he knows and probably cares even less about Golf, and that really came through in the the broadcast the weekend. NBC did a horrible job and should be banned by the USGA from ever broadcasting another PGA event and definitely not another major.

Fathers Day.

My family and I had a wonderful fathers day weekend. I got some really great gifts. Some of which are appropriate to talk about here and others are not. I can talk about my new MaxFli Golf bag. It is awesome. It has a really sturdy stand and plenty of pockets but only weighs 4.5 pounds. My other bag was falling apart. Now I can start walking the course instead of riding which will save me tons of cash.

We did a sexy photoshoot over the weekend with some of my new presents. Which weren't really for me but I am going to enjoy them immensely. Anyway in our brilliance we decided to use some self tanner to make the pics come our better. Just a pointer here if you ever plan on doing this "wear gloves". My hands look like they have leprosy and are about the fall off. I had to tell everyone at the party we went too over the weekend that I stained my deck and spilled some all over. But everyone knows it's self tanner and I totally got bullshit called on me. But the tanner stuff works great and the wife is now officially smoking hot and I have the pictures to prove it. We spent a considerable amount of time in the sack. This was thanks to my Mom for taking the kids overnight Saturday night from 5:00pm until 11:00 am Sunday morning. Seriously there is nothing better than being together with someone for over six years and still being so in love that all either of you wants to do is go for a romp in the haystack at every possible opportunity.

I lost a bet over the weekend I bet my brother dinner at Outback that I could beat him by 7 strokes over 9 holes. I know this is a bad bet but if I don't give him a chance he won't bet at all. I only missed the bet by one stroke. I shot 2 doubles in a row and missed a couple of short puts. I am a horrible gambler I almost never lose at golf on the outright score but I always bet myself into a corner and lose money. I need some gambling lessons.

Once again I can't end this properly so.

Fuck off

I need a cleaning women oh wait sorry "person"

Seriously my office is a mess. There are CD's and papers and all manner of computer and networking components. Stacks of free Network World magazines. You sys admins know what I am talking about. They send it to you even if you didn't renew. Then they send you messages and faxes and E-mails and threatening letters informing you that they will forward the matter to their attorney if you don't fill out their online form to renew your free subscription that you don't really remember signing up for in the first place.

We don't have cleaning people at the office so every two weeks or so I have to clean the bathrooms on my floor. How fucking stupid is that. Pay somebody the $300 or $400 a month to empty the trash and clean the shit. My trash can is always overflowing because I am the laziest IT person ever.

Well its wifies birthday this weekend and no baby sitters. Nope that's right any other weekend will be fine they say except this one. So now I have to call my Mom and see if I can be nice enough and beg and plead on my knees for her to come and watch my kids. I prefer her to watch them because she is free. Well not exactly free because I may have to promise to go to church for at least 2 Sundays to get her to come spend time with her own grandkids. Which she says she loves and misses but we all know that's bullshit because it's like pulling teeth to get her to play with them at all. But hey if I raised 6 boys I would be like

"To hell with the grand kids I did my time. They are only cute for the first 6 months or so anyway." J/K

So we went to the bar last night because Wife's friend called and wanted to sing Karaoke. I totally did not want to go having just finished 18 holes of magnificent golf but she convinced me because we were babysitterless over the weekend. So we haul our asses to the bar on a Wednesday mind you at 10 damn 30 at night. Jesus seriously I was so not excited to be going. My friend and I sang a little Poison. Ya Baby Ya. Every Rose has its Thorn. This is the best song to sing Karaoke to because it sounds like total shit no matter what. Which is the point of drunk people singing in local bars anyway. Right!

I changed a couple of words in the chorus.

Original version

"Every Cowboy sings a sad sad song"

My version

"Every Cowboy fucks his mom"

No body even noticed, however I was busting up laughing. Not because that's funny but because "I" think it's funny and I am 12, or so I am told repeatedly by the wife. Guess you have to know me. Not in the biblical sense but in the yea I know Cameron, he is a total ass, sense.

I never know how to end these things so

Fuck off

Here I sit

At my desk again. Today was an interesting day. I am so bad at this. As soon as I click on create my mind goes dead. My life must be really boring.

How about Last Comic Standing. I love stand-up. I wish there were more clubs here to go see new local talent. What's weird is that Rich Vos is on the panel this year and he was a contestant who did not win last season. But the guy that won last season Dat Phan is no where to be found. Also there is a contestant on tonight that is already a regular on Last Call with Colin Quinn. He has already made a name for himself. What is he doing on LCS as a contestant. Weird. Well we will see what happens.

Well Father's day is coming up and my wife has promised me some pretty sweet surprises. I can't wait. She is so hot and fun and cute and hot and sweet and nice and loving and lovable and hot. Oh and did I mention hot. I think about her constantly.

You guys want to hear more about my golf game. No. Awww come on you know you give a flying rat shit how well I score every week. Well let me tell you the driver is back baby. I have been struggling to hit the fairway for like 6 weeks. I did not know what happened. And then on Monday I was hitting an uphill 9 iron and had to choke up on my club. As I did my practice swing I felt everything lock into place and realized that what I had been doing with my driver was holding it too close the end of the club. So I tried choking up a bit like not even a half of an inch on the driver and holy shit batman did the ball go flying down the middle. We are talking I am back baby 235 to 270 again in the fairway. Needless to say I shot 41 for the 9 holes we played with no birdies mind you and a one double.

Wheww are you still reading after that really exciting shit. I did not think so.

Are you still here.

Come on get a life.

Tee time at 5:34 baby. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

I don't know anything

I really don't. I wish I did but hey I guess I can deal.

It looks like the waterpark again today just me and the DilMonster. It is kind of cold but that will just make my nipples stick out extra far (Sweet).

Do any of you have PlayStation 2? If so have you played SSX Tricky. This game is very addicting. I really used to enjoy snowboarding when I was in High School. But it is too much like work so Golf is a little better for me now. Anyway I have been playing with Dilian and the little bastard can totally beat me.

My mind is blank right now. I wish I could write about something deep and funny but those don't really go together.

Chronicles of Riddick comes out today. I can't wait. I love Vin Diesel.

Now don't think I am gay or nothing but he's got a nice ass (ha ha quote from Orgazmo)

Humans are a funny lot. We misintrepret and let our own fears cloud our judgement holding us back from reaching our full potential. Alot of us go through life with blinders on not seeing other people for who they are. This can be good or bad because you probably don't really want to know who Marilyn Manson or Al Capone really are/were. But when it comes between people you know it causes much heartache and sorrow.

It is no wonder the Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins. Oh wait is it. Well if it is not there should be eight. People that can control their Jealousy are my hero's it is very hard to do and sometimes is not a logical thing that can be handled. Trust me practice makes perfect.

I'm out.

I finally shot 41 again.

So I hauled my ass out of bed yesterday at like 0'Dark Hundred to drive 1.5 hours away to play golf. Why did I do this I am still not really sure. I went with 2 guys I had never met before and guy I did not know really well. It was worth it however when I utterly destroyed theirs asses with a +5 41. I have not played that well for at least 6 weeks and it felt good to finally feel like my swing was where it was supposed to be. I still could not get off the tee box but my recovery shots and putting were steller (ouch my arm now hurts from patting myself on the back).

Jon is coming back fron Ohio tommorrow so hopefully I can play well this weekend.

Thats all folks.

Seriously how about writing something

This is for all my non readers out there. Hi how are you. Why do I feel like i am talking to myself.

Waterparks are awesome. It finally reached 90 this week and we are going to the waterpark everyday with our $30 season passes. It is so nice to cool down and play and splash. My favorite thing is picking up my 8 year old and throwing him high in the air to splash in the wave pool. He is such a waterbug. He can't get enough.

Maybe this year I will get up the guts again to go on the freefall slides. I used to do it when I was a kid no problem. But this year I went up there took one look at how steep it was and said "Fuck That".

At which time I carefully slunk back down to the "Your a huge Pussy slide".

Anyway we are going again today after work with Dilian and Maxiver. Ok so they are twins Max and Oliver. But Maxiver just saves time when calling them both and they get it so it rocks.

BTW Dilians nicknames are as follows Dilrod and Dilmonster. He is not really fond of the first but at least allows the second.

Lisa finally stood in line last night to get her picture taken for her pass so now she can go on the slides and stuff to. I hope the monsters are good and that they have fun or alas the pass will be in vain.

Have a good day.